Hair Humor

Although there is nothing funny about hair loss we believe you should always have a sense of humor. Enjoy!


































































What he hath scanted men in hair, he hath given them in wit.
--William Shakespeare

It is foolish to tear one's hair in grief, as though sorrow would be made less by baldness.
--Marcus Tullius Cicero (106 BC-43 BC)

I don't consider myself bald, I'm just taller than my hair.
--Seneca, Roman philosopher (1st c. AD)

He's the kind of guy that when he dies, he's going up to heaven and give God a bad time for making him bald.
--Marlon Brando

The tenderest spot in a man's make-up is sometimes the bald spot on top of his head.
--Helen Rowland, writer

Opportunity has hair in front; behind she is bald; if you seize her by the forelock, you may hold her, but, if suffered to escape, not Jupiter himself can catch her again.
--Latin proverb

A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.
--Mae West

Better a bald head than no head at all.
--Seamus MacManus

Experience is a comb which nature gives to men when they are bald.
--Chinese proverb

The good lord only gave men so many hormones, and if others want to waste theirs growing hair that's up to them.
--John Glenn, astronaut

It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside.
--Garry Shandling

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.
--Sam Ewing

Short Jokes

Doctor, doctor, can you give me something for my baldness? How about a few pounds of pig manure? Will that cure my baldness? No, but with that on your head no one will come near enough to notice you're bald
Customer: Why did you take off so much hair? Barber: I didn't, nature beat me to it.
A woman was cutting her husband's thinning hair, when their teenage son arrived home looking for a snack. She ofered a kiwifruit and tried to tempt him with its nutritious qualities. "It has more vitamin C than an orange," she remarked. "And more hair than Dad," added their son.
A bald man took a seat in a beauty parlour. "How can I help you ?" asked the stylist.
"I went for a hair transplant." the guy explained, "but I couldn't stand the thought of having any discomfort. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000."
"No problem, " said the stylist, and she quickly shaved her head.
If a man is bald at the front, he is a thinker.
If he is bald at the back, he is sexy.
If he is bald from front to back - he thinks he is sexy.
Lots of men are losing their hair and most are very upset by that. But not all of them. I casually mentioned to Don one night that I thought he was going bald.
Don looked at me and said, "I am NOT going bald, I'm getting more head."

Longer Jokes

Not satisfied with the results he got from his family doctor, a balding man sought out an alternative treatment for his hair loss. A friend referred him to a scientist who had been testing a chemical that showed great promise.
Within a week after taking the recommended dosage, a heavy growth of hair appeared on the bald man's scalp. He was very happy at first, but soon became alarmed when hair began to grow uncontrollably all over his body.
After two weeks, he returned to see the scientist. "What the hell did you give me?" he demanded.
"It was DNA from a Woolly Mammoth."
"Aha!" exclaimed the man. "That would explain the size of my balls!"

One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while, and then said, "Momma, how come *all* of grandma's hairs are white?"


There's this man with a bald head and a wooden leg
who gets invited to a fancy dress party.

He doesn't know what costume to wear
to hide his head and his leg
so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem.

A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:

"Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirates outfit.
The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head
and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate".
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just
emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a really
rude letter of complaint.

A week passes and he receives another parcel
and a note which says:

"Dear Sir, sorry about before,
please find enclosed a monks habit.
The long robe will cover your wooden leg
and with your bald head you will really look the part".

Now the man is really annoyed
since they have gone from emphasizing
his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head
and he writes the company
a REALLY rude letter of complaint.

The next day he receives a small parcel
and a note which reads:

"Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a jar of caramel.
Pour the jar of caramel over your bald head,
stick your wooden leg up your ass
and go as a candied apple!"